WINNER of the Second Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

I’ve won a competition! Yaay! OK, so it’s actually a competition for writing terrible poetry (on purpose, in case you thought this is my usual standard). The very wonderful Chelsea Owens has started a Weekly Terrible Poetry contest and it is a LOT of fun. This week’s topic was “Sour Grapes” and several budding poor poets immediately dived into the nearest barrel and began scraping. It is truly an honour to have been chosen as the Worst Poet of the Week, particularly when the competition pushed the bar so low.
It is strangely therapeutic to dig around for terrible rhymes, wonky meter and cliche-ridden angst. I highly recommend that you all join in!

Chel Owens

Winner

(What? Did you think I was going to keep you in suspense?)

THE SOUR GRAPES OF WRATH

by Babbitman

There are green ones
And red ones
But sometimes they are so dark that they are pretty much
Black
Oh, so black.
And dark.
Like my heart.
Since you’ve been gone.
You peeled grapes for me.
Which was jolly nice
Because
I really didn’t like the skins
Which
Used to get stuck in my teeth
In the gaps
And underneath
My tongue.
Somehow. Don’t ask me how.
I’m not a dentist.
And now the skins
Are giving me grief again.
Such grief.
Beyond belief.
And they’re not very sweet.
I would have said bitter
And thrown them in the litter
bin
But actually they’re probably really
Just sour.
Like my mood.
Unpleasant food.
And it’s because of you.
That I’m sour.
Like these grapes.
And I hate
You.
So there.

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