The wonderful (and anonymous) writer of Safari Camp Life somehow stumbled across my blog and followed me, which was nice. I in turn wandered over to her blog to find out what kind of person is willing to waste their time reading my tosh. I read it all, every word and it’s hilariously brilliant.
Imagine, if you will, a perfectly normal English couple (I assume; they sound normal enough) who emigrate to Kenya to run a safari guest camp out in the bush for eight months of the year. The landscape is stunning. The animals are breathtaking. The guests… well, it appears that the guests are generally over-privileged tossers with inflated egos with the misconception that because this couple live in a tent 100 miles from any town they obviously know nothing. At all. About anything.
And so these ghastly tourists are wonderfully dissected with sarcasm and wit on her blog. Here’s an extract from one of the latest posts about a grotesque American family (father is a tax lawyer, mother is patronising, kids are coldly precocious):
It’s Kit’s 13th birthday today and late last night the father gave me three enormous presents and told me to wrap them.
“No problem,” I said, “let me just pop to the shops in the local village for some wrapping paper and ribbons, the 24-hour newsagents is next to the monorail station.”
The posh Brits get a good kicking too. Even though the Empire disappeared back in the 50s, many wealthy families still know people who stayed on after independence. A bit like Polish plumbers post-Brexit, I guess. Or not.
“You’re from where, dear? The UK? Oh, we’ve just been staying with Tim-Tim and Minty in the Kwumerutiti Swampland, they of course have been here for their whole lives.”
“Oh, well, we’ve just stayed with Algernon and Fru in the Pwananiti Hills, they were born here, so so clever.”
“Oh! You’ve got a little dog? Peregrine and Titty have two dogs and a zebra…”
“Do you know Flim Flam and Fuckwit? They’ve got two zebras, a giraffe and a rhino.”
Vicious. So wonderfully vicious. And this explains the anonymity. Please check her out because it will a) make you laugh and b) make her happy to know that her diary of trials and tribulations are appreciated.