The second piece of instant writing I did at the last writers’ group meeting had a prompt of “don’t you dare!” which I thought should be easy enough. The problem was that we only had about 15 minutes to think of something and write it. That phrase is only likely to be said to someone you know pretty well, so I needed a duo who were likely to get into an argument at the drop of a hat. A bowler hat, as it turns out…
Ollie sat down heavily. “Ooh, my feet!” he exclaimed as he removed his boots.
Stan looked down at Ollie’s toes and then up at his face. “What’s the matter with them?”
Ollie blinked in surprise. “What’s the matter with them? Why, only the fact that we’ve been walking for hours and still haven’t found anywhere to stay the night. We’re in the middle of nowhere and my feet can’t take much more of this!”
“We should have had a mule,” said Stan, sitting down next to him.
Ollie looked witheringly at his friend. “We did have a mule, but you let it go, with all of our clothes and food.” He adjusted his portly frame, muttering about mules under his breath.
Stan looked innocently down at his dusty shoes. “Well, I didn’t know it was going to wander off.”
Ollie glared at him.
They sat in silence for a few minutes before a loud gargling noise erupted from Ollie’s belly. “It’s no use,” he cried, “I can’t stop thinking about food! If I don’t eat something soon I don’t know what I’ll do!”
Stan said nothing. Ollie, looked at his friend and noticed he was chewing.
“What are you eating?” he demanded.
“A sandwich. It was in my pocket and I was getting a bit hungry so I thought I’d eat it.”
“You thought you’d…?” gasped Ollie, “give me that!” He lunged across Stan’s lap.
Stanley held the remains of the sandwich high in the air away from the voracious Ollie. They tussled frantically for a few seconds before Ollie rolled onto the dusty ground. Stan took the opportunity to take a big bite. Ollie stared in horror and anger as Stan stood poised to to cram the final scraps into his mouth.
He lay, empty belly in the dirt with his finger pointing accusingly at Stan, “Don’t you dare!”